Two years seems like a long time to feel detached and constantly alone with my thoughts. Some days have been joyful despite circumstances and yet others exhaustingly empty and void of much feeling at all. There is nothing or no one to "blame" my downcast existence on but simply a lack of faith in the only One who can heal my brokenness and suffering and restore my joy in Him. I have always known where to turn for strength in times pf despair. The stumbling block in this entire scenario then becomes the knowledge and acknowledgement of my own pride and failure to examine my heart for unforgiveness and sin. Even on the darkest days when I believed the loneliness was truly at it's peak, if only I had called on Him for the guidance I needed to find peace. And not just called on Him but trusted His way to be The Way to healing. Why did it seem so much easier to be stagnant in my struggle?
Psalm 42:5, 42:11 and 43:5 all say "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."
Even in my hardest times of doubt and longing, God never left me. I stepped away from His truth and rested solely on the world's antidotes for my emptiness. The Psalmist addressed it well. No matter what I am walking through, struggling with, or challenged by, I should always remember just what He brought me through and saved me from. Eternity without Him.
I Peter 2:9 reminds me, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you our of darkness into His wonderful light."
The perfect light of a Glorious loving and forgiving Savior. I can no longer claim darkness as my dwelling place according to Scripture. I have been there visiting for far too long. The light of His glory has penetrated my path and is daily showing me the journey He has for my future.
It all comes down to this....Proverbs 3:5-6 ... "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight".
Saturday, January 27, 2018
Saturday, July 1, 2017
Abiding is a hard place to dwell. It is a perfect place of rest and comfort but almost impossible to sustain. There are many times when I choose to wander away and then there are challenges that cause me to lose my footing and tumble down a well warn path of suffering that I continue to say I loathe but find myself wallowing in nevertheless. What am I searching for in the darkness? Knowing full well that only pain comes from disobedience and folly, I embrace the dim light of the world and trust in it's healing of my wounds over and over again. What exactly does pride have as a hold over me to reel me into the sufferings I thought I had long ago overcome? I am my own worst enemy when it comes to doubt and struggle. No one else has control over my thoughts unless I relinquish them. Jesus promises that He will never leave or forsake me. Therefore, I must be the one who moves.
Psalm 139: 1-12 says:
Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and hen I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely.
You hem me in - behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settles on the far side of the sea
even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Truth that there is no darkness too heavy for the hand of a loving Savior to snatch me out of. His constant tenderness is far greater than anything this world can toss into my path. He is my light and my salvation. Only relying on His strength to carry me in my weakest times will suffice. When I just sit with His Word and choose to dwell there...I find solace and complete rest. Rest for a weary mind and soul. He is rest. He is light. He alone is truth. I will trust in that light and allow Him to guide my paths and make them straight.
It all comes down to this.....My hope is in Christ alone.
Psalm 139: 1-12 says:
Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and hen I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely.
You hem me in - behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settles on the far side of the sea
even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
Truth that there is no darkness too heavy for the hand of a loving Savior to snatch me out of. His constant tenderness is far greater than anything this world can toss into my path. He is my light and my salvation. Only relying on His strength to carry me in my weakest times will suffice. When I just sit with His Word and choose to dwell there...I find solace and complete rest. Rest for a weary mind and soul. He is rest. He is light. He alone is truth. I will trust in that light and allow Him to guide my paths and make them straight.
It all comes down to this.....My hope is in Christ alone.
Tuesday, January 10, 2017
HE was there all along....
New Year...New Beginning...Same old stuff. Does not have to be that way. We have an out. Good News! There is a healer. His name is Jesus. He is always willing and waiting just for the opportunity to change our lives. We need only to ask.
2016 was a year of confusion, concern, disappointment, challenge, more disappointment, suffering, doubt, and a sincere lack of faith for me. This is not to say in any way that God was not with me. He was there all along. I stepped away. Not from my belief in Him but certainly in my dependence on Him. I was weak and down hearted. I was struggling just to see Him in every day life and activities. Not because He wasn't visible or present. But rather...because I took my eyes off of Him. I internalized all that was going on around me and sealed it away in a neat little dark place. I chose to work through things in my own timing and in my own arrogance instead of believing that I could leave all of my pain with Him at the cross and let Him walk with me through the darkness.
This from someone who has known Jesus as Savior since I was a mere 7 years old. I know truth. I believe it. I just didn't apply it. I chose instead to wallow in my own self pity and expect things to change. Change is work. We all have to engage in our personal relationship with God. It is never a one way street. I forgot to relinquish my ways to adopt His ways. They are always perfect. Mine are flawed.
The absolute truth that I so earnestly want to cling to is that He is able. He is willing. He is my strength in times of weakness. He is literally my rock in sinking sand. I want to live there. I want to build my house on that solid rock and be secure in His presence.
2017 will not be worry free, trouble free, free from suffering, or even void of challenge. However, I am in a place of rest in Him. He is my foundation and I will remain in Him and He in me. God is good always.....even when we are blinded to His grace by our own ignorance.
It all comes down to this...."God opposed the proud, but gives grace to the humble." James 3:6b. I want to be humble in His eyes.
2016 was a year of confusion, concern, disappointment, challenge, more disappointment, suffering, doubt, and a sincere lack of faith for me. This is not to say in any way that God was not with me. He was there all along. I stepped away. Not from my belief in Him but certainly in my dependence on Him. I was weak and down hearted. I was struggling just to see Him in every day life and activities. Not because He wasn't visible or present. But rather...because I took my eyes off of Him. I internalized all that was going on around me and sealed it away in a neat little dark place. I chose to work through things in my own timing and in my own arrogance instead of believing that I could leave all of my pain with Him at the cross and let Him walk with me through the darkness.
This from someone who has known Jesus as Savior since I was a mere 7 years old. I know truth. I believe it. I just didn't apply it. I chose instead to wallow in my own self pity and expect things to change. Change is work. We all have to engage in our personal relationship with God. It is never a one way street. I forgot to relinquish my ways to adopt His ways. They are always perfect. Mine are flawed.
The absolute truth that I so earnestly want to cling to is that He is able. He is willing. He is my strength in times of weakness. He is literally my rock in sinking sand. I want to live there. I want to build my house on that solid rock and be secure in His presence.
2017 will not be worry free, trouble free, free from suffering, or even void of challenge. However, I am in a place of rest in Him. He is my foundation and I will remain in Him and He in me. God is good always.....even when we are blinded to His grace by our own ignorance.
It all comes down to this...."God opposed the proud, but gives grace to the humble." James 3:6b. I want to be humble in His eyes.
Friday, December 23, 2016
Sometimes life gets in our way. We spend countless days planning, organizing, changing plans, looking for shortcuts for our plans, reorganizing all that we semi-organized just a few days prior and then we start all over again. In the end....really what have we accomplished? Nothing that will last. Nothing that furthers the Kingdom. Nothing that shares the Good News of Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. All of our efforts are well intentioned but when we actually stop and contemplate what we have done with our days, we fall short of glorifying the One and Only true God.
I have spent many countless hours this past year thinking and rethinking how things in my life "could" have gone differently. Guess what? That changed nothing. I cannot relive a moment of that time. It is simply wasted on selfish pity and unnecessary suffering. What I really needed to do was to lay it all down and trust that my Heavenly Father had and has a plan for each moment. Of course I have to live my daily life but I can live it far more fully in Him. I have my every need met by the God of the Universe. When I step in and shift my focus....trouble for me ensues. At 61 years of age I am beginning to believe that truth.
I am not one for New Year's resolutions. For one reason, I can uphold them for about 3 hours. But my real reason for choosing not to tie myself to them is that I know that left to my own devices, failure is my only hope. Short of trusting God to provide strength to follow through on my meek attempts I am at best luke warm at the finish. I never want to discount all that has been done for me and I want to give the glory to God for those blessings. I want to spend my days lifting His name in praise. I want to let go of the challenges that hold me back and see only His face.
When I was younger and my dad would tell me that as you grow older the days simply fly by. I thought that was just senseless. Surely the days remained 24 hours and the weeks 7 full days..etc. Now I see what he meant. My days are numbered by an Almighty God who truly yearns for me to stay fully connected to Him. My prayer for this New Year is that I will look up and trust all that He has prepared for me in the coming days. I want to share the love of my Savior with all who I meet and be a light in the darkness of this daily life.
It all comes down to this...we only go around once.
I have spent many countless hours this past year thinking and rethinking how things in my life "could" have gone differently. Guess what? That changed nothing. I cannot relive a moment of that time. It is simply wasted on selfish pity and unnecessary suffering. What I really needed to do was to lay it all down and trust that my Heavenly Father had and has a plan for each moment. Of course I have to live my daily life but I can live it far more fully in Him. I have my every need met by the God of the Universe. When I step in and shift my focus....trouble for me ensues. At 61 years of age I am beginning to believe that truth.
I am not one for New Year's resolutions. For one reason, I can uphold them for about 3 hours. But my real reason for choosing not to tie myself to them is that I know that left to my own devices, failure is my only hope. Short of trusting God to provide strength to follow through on my meek attempts I am at best luke warm at the finish. I never want to discount all that has been done for me and I want to give the glory to God for those blessings. I want to spend my days lifting His name in praise. I want to let go of the challenges that hold me back and see only His face.
When I was younger and my dad would tell me that as you grow older the days simply fly by. I thought that was just senseless. Surely the days remained 24 hours and the weeks 7 full days..etc. Now I see what he meant. My days are numbered by an Almighty God who truly yearns for me to stay fully connected to Him. My prayer for this New Year is that I will look up and trust all that He has prepared for me in the coming days. I want to share the love of my Savior with all who I meet and be a light in the darkness of this daily life.
It all comes down to this...we only go around once.
Sunday, November 6, 2016
Sometimes 12 years seems like a lifetime...
All my life I have knew that somewhere there was a child that would become mine that I did not have the privilege to carry and nurture from birth. I had no idea how or when it would be a reality however.
Twelve years ago today my truth came to be when a friend and beautiful woman went home to be with the Lord. She was fierce. She was a fighter. She was a warrior. She loved with every single fiber of her being and her love was mighty for her children. In her battle with breast cancer she never once complained or gave in to fear. She just put one foot in front of the other and continued to fight for her life.
On November 6th, 2004, our family grew by 2 because I promised Sharon on the morning of October 31st that if she went home to see Jesus before I did that her girls would become my own in every sense of family. She beat me to glory and I received the greatest gift a mother can give another....two amazing daughters to add to our family. Since that day 12 years ago, our family of 4 has grown to a mere 17. Emily, Dave, Asher, Lucy, Erik, Elisa, Jaklin, Shea, Anna, Kevin, Colton, Wesley, Sydney, Katharine and Joe. Amazing story of God's grace on an undeserving friend who simply stood by her promise to a dear woman who loved deeply and honestly in all that she did.
On this day every year I stop and think about all that Sharon entrusted in my care. I cry over all that I know she has missed and weep for all that is still to come in our lives that she can't enjoy with her daughters and grandchildren. I am enjoying the fruits of her labor during her time here on this earth. I get to hold those 3 little ones and tell them that I love them. I am the one who reaps the joy of their arms around my neck and the "I love you more" when we say goodbye at the end of a visit. Every time I hear those voices my mind never fails to go to my dear, dear friend and hope she knows just how much I loved her and how I will be faithful to my promise until I see her again with Jesus.
Some day soon I hope to get to tell those little ones just how much their grandmother loves them and how much I wish that she could be here to enjoy the joy that they bring. I want them to know that I am doing all that I can to keep her memory alive for them and that if she were here.....oh how she would smile.
I love you Sharon Nicolaisen and miss your sweet smile still..every...single...day.
Twelve years ago today my truth came to be when a friend and beautiful woman went home to be with the Lord. She was fierce. She was a fighter. She was a warrior. She loved with every single fiber of her being and her love was mighty for her children. In her battle with breast cancer she never once complained or gave in to fear. She just put one foot in front of the other and continued to fight for her life.
On November 6th, 2004, our family grew by 2 because I promised Sharon on the morning of October 31st that if she went home to see Jesus before I did that her girls would become my own in every sense of family. She beat me to glory and I received the greatest gift a mother can give another....two amazing daughters to add to our family. Since that day 12 years ago, our family of 4 has grown to a mere 17. Emily, Dave, Asher, Lucy, Erik, Elisa, Jaklin, Shea, Anna, Kevin, Colton, Wesley, Sydney, Katharine and Joe. Amazing story of God's grace on an undeserving friend who simply stood by her promise to a dear woman who loved deeply and honestly in all that she did.
On this day every year I stop and think about all that Sharon entrusted in my care. I cry over all that I know she has missed and weep for all that is still to come in our lives that she can't enjoy with her daughters and grandchildren. I am enjoying the fruits of her labor during her time here on this earth. I get to hold those 3 little ones and tell them that I love them. I am the one who reaps the joy of their arms around my neck and the "I love you more" when we say goodbye at the end of a visit. Every time I hear those voices my mind never fails to go to my dear, dear friend and hope she knows just how much I loved her and how I will be faithful to my promise until I see her again with Jesus.
Some day soon I hope to get to tell those little ones just how much their grandmother loves them and how much I wish that she could be here to enjoy the joy that they bring. I want them to know that I am doing all that I can to keep her memory alive for them and that if she were here.....oh how she would smile.
I love you Sharon Nicolaisen and miss your sweet smile still..every...single...day.
Saturday, August 27, 2016
Just Pondering...
This journey called life is exactly that....a life long trek through the dredges that is our existence. Not a sprint...not a jog...not even a swift power walk...just simply one foot in front of the other day after day. During the times when things are seemingly easy we sail along mindlessly from moment to moment. When a challenge arises...the rubber really meets the road so to speak.
Sometimes I get weary in the struggles. I lose my focus and begin to become lethargic in my faith. Not a moment goes by that I doubt that God exists but many come around that I legitimately question Him. Again...not His love, not His trustworthiness, not even His best for me. But rather my love for Him, my trustworthiness and my lack of obedience. He is truly the only strength that I need when I falter. Why is it so difficult for me to rest there?
The more we depend on Him the less we depend on ourselves. I tell myself that over and over in a days time. Yet I selfishly go on about my desire to "fix" things on my own. My ways must be better than anyone else could possible know. After all, I know my heart. I know my needs. I know what is best for me in the moment. Lies from Satan. Untruths that do not coincide with what Scripture tells me to be so. That is why Matthew 6:24 tells me "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." The choice is mine. To believe that He alone can be my Master or to let the world dictate my path.
I alone must choose to lay down my rights every single day and pick up my cross and follow the One and Only Savior of my life. He is Almighty God! He is the Master of the seas. He is the Omnipotent One who loves and cares for me. Simply stated....He is love. When I look at those words and just rest there....I am once again whole. Once again at peace. Once again at one with my Creator and the true author and finisher of my faith.
Sometimes I get weary in the struggles. I lose my focus and begin to become lethargic in my faith. Not a moment goes by that I doubt that God exists but many come around that I legitimately question Him. Again...not His love, not His trustworthiness, not even His best for me. But rather my love for Him, my trustworthiness and my lack of obedience. He is truly the only strength that I need when I falter. Why is it so difficult for me to rest there?
The more we depend on Him the less we depend on ourselves. I tell myself that over and over in a days time. Yet I selfishly go on about my desire to "fix" things on my own. My ways must be better than anyone else could possible know. After all, I know my heart. I know my needs. I know what is best for me in the moment. Lies from Satan. Untruths that do not coincide with what Scripture tells me to be so. That is why Matthew 6:24 tells me "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." The choice is mine. To believe that He alone can be my Master or to let the world dictate my path.
I alone must choose to lay down my rights every single day and pick up my cross and follow the One and Only Savior of my life. He is Almighty God! He is the Master of the seas. He is the Omnipotent One who loves and cares for me. Simply stated....He is love. When I look at those words and just rest there....I am once again whole. Once again at peace. Once again at one with my Creator and the true author and finisher of my faith.
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
In life there are ups and downs. Every day we are constantly faced with the daunting task of making choices that ultimately can change the course of our lives. Sometimes we choose wisely and other times our decisions cause us to struggle where we never expected. Mistakes are made but just the pure definition of that is doing something that we didn't mean to do or hurting someone we didn't want to hurt with our actions.
As we walk through life, however, there are instances where trust becomes so important in our relationships. In marriage, in friendship, in medicine, in machinery....I can go on and on, but the point is that we have to rely on others and other things to survive. It is when those people or things let us down that we begin to understand suffering. When the chemo starts to lose it's power. When the battery in our car wains. When our spouse just doesn't seem to understand what we are trying to say. When our friends fail to hold us up when our strength is faltering. These are the realities. This is true life.
No one is absolute but Jesus. We have to rely only on Him. Everything else is just fluff. Not truth. Not trustworthy. Not secure. Only Jesus. I tell myself this over and over in a weeks time. Daily I look to Him to be my strength and almost always I fail to believe that He is all I need. I know that He is constant. His love is never failing. Yet I place my hope in people that continue to destroy my hope and cause me to stumble in my faith.
It is a challenge daily for me to keep my eyes fixed on Him. I want so much to believe that there is a reason for my journey through this struggle called Christianity. The end of my journey will be worth the battle. I do know that to be fact, but the suffering of being disappointed in so much is sometimes just heavy and disheartening. The Church is to be a reflection of Christ. I fail to see Christ in so much we attach to His name. I am disappointed in so much that we as the Body of Christ speak on His behalf. I do not believe that Jesus would ever judge like we judge and He has the ultimate right to do just that. He loves instead.
Jesus never told anyone to come back to Him and serve Him when they were right in their own eyes, or in the eyes of others. He simply said, "Go and sin no more." Sounds simple...we are the ones who have chosen to put conditions on forgiveness and moving forward in our walks.
It all comes down to this....Forgiveness is absolute in Christ. No debt remains. When will we get true understanding of that fact. It is finished!
As we walk through life, however, there are instances where trust becomes so important in our relationships. In marriage, in friendship, in medicine, in machinery....I can go on and on, but the point is that we have to rely on others and other things to survive. It is when those people or things let us down that we begin to understand suffering. When the chemo starts to lose it's power. When the battery in our car wains. When our spouse just doesn't seem to understand what we are trying to say. When our friends fail to hold us up when our strength is faltering. These are the realities. This is true life.
No one is absolute but Jesus. We have to rely only on Him. Everything else is just fluff. Not truth. Not trustworthy. Not secure. Only Jesus. I tell myself this over and over in a weeks time. Daily I look to Him to be my strength and almost always I fail to believe that He is all I need. I know that He is constant. His love is never failing. Yet I place my hope in people that continue to destroy my hope and cause me to stumble in my faith.
It is a challenge daily for me to keep my eyes fixed on Him. I want so much to believe that there is a reason for my journey through this struggle called Christianity. The end of my journey will be worth the battle. I do know that to be fact, but the suffering of being disappointed in so much is sometimes just heavy and disheartening. The Church is to be a reflection of Christ. I fail to see Christ in so much we attach to His name. I am disappointed in so much that we as the Body of Christ speak on His behalf. I do not believe that Jesus would ever judge like we judge and He has the ultimate right to do just that. He loves instead.
Jesus never told anyone to come back to Him and serve Him when they were right in their own eyes, or in the eyes of others. He simply said, "Go and sin no more." Sounds simple...we are the ones who have chosen to put conditions on forgiveness and moving forward in our walks.
It all comes down to this....Forgiveness is absolute in Christ. No debt remains. When will we get true understanding of that fact. It is finished!
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Psalm 119:28 "My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to Your Word."
Over and over in the scriptures we are given truths about what we should do with our fears, anxieties, sorrows, worries, challenges, doubts..... Laying them down and trusting in the One we have put our faith and trust in, Almighty God, comes so easily for me. I love the amazing feeling of unburdening myself at the foot of the cross. Pouring out all of my cares and begging God to relieve me of them and the struggles they cause in my walk. Opening up and weeping over the sin in my life and knowing He is faithful to hear and answer my prayers. Sometimes (most often) not exactly in my timing or in my chosen way, but always I believe according to His best and His will.
But...many days I feel like I am on a treadmill of sorts walking the same five feet over and over again. All of my own choosing. Even though I have made my prayerful and earnest requests known to my Lord and Savior who has promised me His constant and abiding love, fear and worry begin to creep back in. Philippians 4:16 tells me "Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". I know He cares. I know He hears. I believe in His promises. But I fear the day's unfolding events. They are completely out of my control. I worry about the unknown. I play the outcomes over and over in my mind until it just becomes too much for me to bear and I find myself back at the foot of the cross looking for comfort and understanding. Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own". One day at a time.
1 Peter 5:10 promises me that "..the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast". Not in my time frame or on my time table. In my humanness I want comfortable. I want a life of happiness and contentment. The real problem is that I find myself accepting the happiness that the world extends and begin to believe that will fill my emptiness and help with my struggles. In reality I need joy and that can only come from walk with my Lord. He has to be enough in the good times but also in the dark times of struggle. His abiding love is the only true healing salve for our wounds of unhappiness, grief, hurt, discontent, suffering....
I will cling to that truth and look to Him for my strength in times of trials in my daily walk because 1 Peter 5:7 tells me to "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you". I am so thankful that He cares about my needs but also my desires. No judgement - just His grace. I want to lay everything down, believe in His truths and trust His best for me in every challenge that comes my way.
So I choose to step off my treadmill of unbelief and doubt and choose to embrace His Word for what it is- the Truth and rest there in His peace and comfort.
It all comes down to this..."Restore to me the joy of thy salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me." Psalm 51:12
Over and over in the scriptures we are given truths about what we should do with our fears, anxieties, sorrows, worries, challenges, doubts..... Laying them down and trusting in the One we have put our faith and trust in, Almighty God, comes so easily for me. I love the amazing feeling of unburdening myself at the foot of the cross. Pouring out all of my cares and begging God to relieve me of them and the struggles they cause in my walk. Opening up and weeping over the sin in my life and knowing He is faithful to hear and answer my prayers. Sometimes (most often) not exactly in my timing or in my chosen way, but always I believe according to His best and His will.
But...many days I feel like I am on a treadmill of sorts walking the same five feet over and over again. All of my own choosing. Even though I have made my prayerful and earnest requests known to my Lord and Savior who has promised me His constant and abiding love, fear and worry begin to creep back in. Philippians 4:16 tells me "Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God". I know He cares. I know He hears. I believe in His promises. But I fear the day's unfolding events. They are completely out of my control. I worry about the unknown. I play the outcomes over and over in my mind until it just becomes too much for me to bear and I find myself back at the foot of the cross looking for comfort and understanding. Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own". One day at a time.
1 Peter 5:10 promises me that "..the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast". Not in my time frame or on my time table. In my humanness I want comfortable. I want a life of happiness and contentment. The real problem is that I find myself accepting the happiness that the world extends and begin to believe that will fill my emptiness and help with my struggles. In reality I need joy and that can only come from walk with my Lord. He has to be enough in the good times but also in the dark times of struggle. His abiding love is the only true healing salve for our wounds of unhappiness, grief, hurt, discontent, suffering....
I will cling to that truth and look to Him for my strength in times of trials in my daily walk because 1 Peter 5:7 tells me to "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you". I am so thankful that He cares about my needs but also my desires. No judgement - just His grace. I want to lay everything down, believe in His truths and trust His best for me in every challenge that comes my way.
So I choose to step off my treadmill of unbelief and doubt and choose to embrace His Word for what it is- the Truth and rest there in His peace and comfort.
It all comes down to this..."Restore to me the joy of thy salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me." Psalm 51:12
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
When I Struggle to See The Light.....
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:8-12
It is abundantly clear to me that our sins are removed from our Savior's mind yet they continue to rear their ugly heads and cause us to stumble. How is it that if Almighty God himself can cast them as far as the east is from the west and choose to never revisit them that we believe it is our responsibility to keep them present? Is it our pride that won't allow us to believe that forgiveness is complete? Or is it just the lack of faith that pushes us back into the darkness of unbelief and despair?
Sin hinders our relationship with our Savior. Not just because we fail to repent, but rather that we choose to remain captive to the power it holds over our hearts. When we go to God with our sin He is faithful always to forgive it. There is nothing more He wants for and from us than a restored relationship with Him. The love He has for us is ever present...never diminished and never faltering. It is complete and full. Our love for Him however can often dwindle because of our struggle to see Him in difficulties.
Therein lies the issue of the body taking care of itself. When we are struggling with a certain area in our walk, God will send comfort and strength in ways we never expect. Sometimes that comes in the form of just sitting alone with Him and meditating on His truths. Other times it may come from a brother or sister in the Body who He sends to minister to us. Either way, God is at the heart of it all or it is useless. He knows us individually and personally and only He can supply our need. His way.
It is easy to become heavy hearted and burdened for those we love who are struggling. Often it becomes too much for our hearts to bear and we also begin to struggle along with them. This doesn't need to be our default. I admit....it can be mine. But if I believe that "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love", then I need to believe it fully and without hesitation.
1John 1:5 says "This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all." I have to keep my eyes on Jesus and His light will guide my path just where I need to go even in my despair. He is faithful to the end. My struggles need to be released to Him and allow Him to make all things new. His ways are perfect, His timing perfect, His forgiveness perfect, His love perfect and never ending. Praise God!
It all comes down to this..."Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. " Romans 8:1-2 I am free indeed!
It is abundantly clear to me that our sins are removed from our Savior's mind yet they continue to rear their ugly heads and cause us to stumble. How is it that if Almighty God himself can cast them as far as the east is from the west and choose to never revisit them that we believe it is our responsibility to keep them present? Is it our pride that won't allow us to believe that forgiveness is complete? Or is it just the lack of faith that pushes us back into the darkness of unbelief and despair?
Sin hinders our relationship with our Savior. Not just because we fail to repent, but rather that we choose to remain captive to the power it holds over our hearts. When we go to God with our sin He is faithful always to forgive it. There is nothing more He wants for and from us than a restored relationship with Him. The love He has for us is ever present...never diminished and never faltering. It is complete and full. Our love for Him however can often dwindle because of our struggle to see Him in difficulties.
Therein lies the issue of the body taking care of itself. When we are struggling with a certain area in our walk, God will send comfort and strength in ways we never expect. Sometimes that comes in the form of just sitting alone with Him and meditating on His truths. Other times it may come from a brother or sister in the Body who He sends to minister to us. Either way, God is at the heart of it all or it is useless. He knows us individually and personally and only He can supply our need. His way.
It is easy to become heavy hearted and burdened for those we love who are struggling. Often it becomes too much for our hearts to bear and we also begin to struggle along with them. This doesn't need to be our default. I admit....it can be mine. But if I believe that "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love", then I need to believe it fully and without hesitation.
1John 1:5 says "This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all." I have to keep my eyes on Jesus and His light will guide my path just where I need to go even in my despair. He is faithful to the end. My struggles need to be released to Him and allow Him to make all things new. His ways are perfect, His timing perfect, His forgiveness perfect, His love perfect and never ending. Praise God!
It all comes down to this..."Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. " Romans 8:1-2 I am free indeed!
Monday, February 15, 2016
"God never gives us more than we can bear."
...And then a mother loses her young child unexpectedly and tragically. A soldier goes off to protect and serve his country leaving behind a wife and young children. He never returns. An illness rocks the health of a mom who is the sole provider for her children and they lose their home and ultimately their chance at being together. A couple yearns for a child and spend years hoping and praying for the miracle of birth to be a part of their lives together but are brokenhearted over and over again.
God never gives us more than we can bear.
A husband watches daily as his wife and the mother of his children slips away because cancer has racked her broken body. Parents bury their only child. A teenager suddenly chooses to end his seemingly otherwise perfect life leaving everyone who knew and loved him gasping for air not knowing how they will survive their loss.
God never gives us more than we can bear.
And then everything we believed to be true suddenly seems so false and just empty words.
There are days when the struggles we find ourselves in steals our joy and takes away our ability to just breathe. It isn't because God doesn't care or isn't listening to our cries for help. He hears us. He alone can carry our burdens when we buckle under the load of pain and fear. Matthew 11:28 says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
You see - God does give us more than we can bear. Every single day. Every single hour of every single day. Every single minute and second of every single day someone in this broken world is asked to bear more than possible. But 1Corinthians 10:13 promises that "No temptation has seized you except what is common for people. But God is faithful. He won't allow you to be tempted beyond your abilities. Instead, with the temptation, God will also supply a way out so that you will be able to endure it." We are never alone in our sufferings or struggles.
God alone is the solution for all that is wrong in our daily lives. We are on a journey that will ultimately bring us closer to knowing just How Great Is Our God. He feels the pain and suffering of every mother's broken heart, every husband's aching and empty life left behind, all the empty arms of grieving parents left childless. Every challenge we face in this sinful and broken world will all be made whole one day. I stand firm on that promise.
Mark 9 tells the story of a father who sought Jesus out because his son had spent his young life possessed by an unclean spirit. In his desperation he asked Jesus for compassion and help for his son if it was possible. Verse 23 says "And Jesus said to him, "If you can! All things are possible for one who believes." Immediately the father of the child cried out and said "I believe; help my unbelief!"
This is probably where many of us are as we face the trials in our lives, some small and others seemingly insurmountable. I am choosing to seek His face and ask Him to strengthen and help my unbelief.
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
God never gives us more than we can bear.
A husband watches daily as his wife and the mother of his children slips away because cancer has racked her broken body. Parents bury their only child. A teenager suddenly chooses to end his seemingly otherwise perfect life leaving everyone who knew and loved him gasping for air not knowing how they will survive their loss.
God never gives us more than we can bear.
And then everything we believed to be true suddenly seems so false and just empty words.
There are days when the struggles we find ourselves in steals our joy and takes away our ability to just breathe. It isn't because God doesn't care or isn't listening to our cries for help. He hears us. He alone can carry our burdens when we buckle under the load of pain and fear. Matthew 11:28 says "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."
You see - God does give us more than we can bear. Every single day. Every single hour of every single day. Every single minute and second of every single day someone in this broken world is asked to bear more than possible. But 1Corinthians 10:13 promises that "No temptation has seized you except what is common for people. But God is faithful. He won't allow you to be tempted beyond your abilities. Instead, with the temptation, God will also supply a way out so that you will be able to endure it." We are never alone in our sufferings or struggles.
God alone is the solution for all that is wrong in our daily lives. We are on a journey that will ultimately bring us closer to knowing just How Great Is Our God. He feels the pain and suffering of every mother's broken heart, every husband's aching and empty life left behind, all the empty arms of grieving parents left childless. Every challenge we face in this sinful and broken world will all be made whole one day. I stand firm on that promise.
Mark 9 tells the story of a father who sought Jesus out because his son had spent his young life possessed by an unclean spirit. In his desperation he asked Jesus for compassion and help for his son if it was possible. Verse 23 says "And Jesus said to him, "If you can! All things are possible for one who believes." Immediately the father of the child cried out and said "I believe; help my unbelief!"
This is probably where many of us are as we face the trials in our lives, some small and others seemingly insurmountable. I am choosing to seek His face and ask Him to strengthen and help my unbelief.
Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
Well...He answered my prayer. Just not as I would have imagined or liked. There is definitely an end to not knowing but the end is not what I thought was even possible. My faith is shaken, my resolve wobbly but my stand is in Him. He is my Rock, my Fortress, the Everlasting God. However, I do struggle with the why. I don't think I would be human if I didn't. Answers are not necessary but certainly might add a bit of peace to the situation. They are slow to come or will never come at all and I have to just accept that and trust that He has this one and did all along.
My friend is suffering. She is downcast, angry, sad, exhausted, but most of all broken. Broken in a broken world. Her only peace comes from the One who can give us perfect peace. The hard part is that she is not ready to accept that peace because her faith also is shaken. Shaken to the core. She believes in Almighty God. She trusts Him to be faithful. She knows He is truth. But...where was He in the midst of the battle?
A long and hard fought battle that her husband lost to an angry world. He did not lose the war! He is safe in the place we all long to be. But he is not with his family. He is not with his church. He is not with those who love him. No, he is with the One who loves him unconditionally. Hard to wrap my mind around. He seemed fine here with us. There seemed to be nothing too great that he couldn't take first to His Lord and then to so many others who loved him and knew him well. Only God knows what the mind can do to our thoughts. Only God can heal that. He has healed my dear friends husband once and for all.
He is whole and no longer suffering with whatever controlled his mind on that fateful day. It is all just the past. Where it belongs! But how do we move on through this travesty? The only thing we all have is faith. Faith in the One True God who can heal the brokenhearted and give us peace once again. Not worldly peace. But the peace that comes from knowing His grace is sufficient.
Death is an ugly part of life. It is final to some. But not to Bill Hurley. He has safely arrived at his final destination. Glory! Do I understand it? No! Do I choose to believe it? Absolutely! As much as he is and will be missed during our remaining time on this earth...he is loved two fold in a place of pure joy. Therefore, I will choose to rejoice in the midst of all of the suffering in the chaos that is our world. Rejoice in the truth that Jesus Christ is Lord! Rejoice in the belief that we shall see Jesus just as He is!
Until we meet again, Bill.
In Him Always.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all of his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
TASTE AND SEE THAT THE LORD IS GOOD;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
THE RIGHTEOUS CRY OUT, AND THE LORD HEARS THEM;
HE DELIVERS THEM FROM ALL THEIR TROUBLES.
THE LORD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED
AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD DELIVERS THEM FROM THEM ALL;
he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
Psalm 34
I have read and reread this passage and must trust and believe every single word of it even in the midst of such a difficult time for my dear friend. There are no words to describe the grief that is pulsing through her and her family right now but I do know that at the center of their lives is Almighty God who will not waiver in His love for them.
There seem to be no reasons for the struggles from our perspective and no end to the suffering that they are enduring until and unless her husband returns to them unscathed and whole. In all that surrounds us while we surround them and lift them up in prayer we find that faith is all we have. It is our only hope. He is our only hope. God alone can bring hope into a hopeless situation. He is our salvation in times of fear and despair. I choose to camp in His presence and believe in His truth from Romans 8:28 "We know all that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.."
I cannot see any good in my friend's anguish. Nothing in this situation can be construed as good. There is unending suffering that causes my heart to break for them. In 2 Corinthians 1:5 we read "For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." I am a part of the body of Christ because He is absolutely my Lord and Savior. In that context I am to join those who are also in the body of Christ in their sufferings just as Jesus suffered for me and let the love of Jesus flow through me to my sweet friend. Sounds so simple.
All that is in me screams frustration, fear, doubt, disgust, anguish, loss, sadness, anger, pain, resentment, confusion, panic, anxiety....and I could literally go on and on. However, Psalm 34 tells me that "He delivers them from them all". "He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". I have to rest there and know that my God knows my friend's needs and will lift her up in her times of despair. He will be her strength and her resolve. He is her salvation!
As I write this I am reminded that God is always in control. He knows every detail of every situation and holds us all in the palm of His hand. His love for us is unfailing and undeniable. I need to only "Taste and see that the Lord is Good".
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all of his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
TASTE AND SEE THAT THE LORD IS GOOD;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
THE RIGHTEOUS CRY OUT, AND THE LORD HEARS THEM;
HE DELIVERS THEM FROM ALL THEIR TROUBLES.
THE LORD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED
AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD DELIVERS THEM FROM THEM ALL;
he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.
Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.
Psalm 34
I have read and reread this passage and must trust and believe every single word of it even in the midst of such a difficult time for my dear friend. There are no words to describe the grief that is pulsing through her and her family right now but I do know that at the center of their lives is Almighty God who will not waiver in His love for them.
There seem to be no reasons for the struggles from our perspective and no end to the suffering that they are enduring until and unless her husband returns to them unscathed and whole. In all that surrounds us while we surround them and lift them up in prayer we find that faith is all we have. It is our only hope. He is our only hope. God alone can bring hope into a hopeless situation. He is our salvation in times of fear and despair. I choose to camp in His presence and believe in His truth from Romans 8:28 "We know all that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.."
I cannot see any good in my friend's anguish. Nothing in this situation can be construed as good. There is unending suffering that causes my heart to break for them. In 2 Corinthians 1:5 we read "For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." I am a part of the body of Christ because He is absolutely my Lord and Savior. In that context I am to join those who are also in the body of Christ in their sufferings just as Jesus suffered for me and let the love of Jesus flow through me to my sweet friend. Sounds so simple.
All that is in me screams frustration, fear, doubt, disgust, anguish, loss, sadness, anger, pain, resentment, confusion, panic, anxiety....and I could literally go on and on. However, Psalm 34 tells me that "He delivers them from them all". "He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit". I have to rest there and know that my God knows my friend's needs and will lift her up in her times of despair. He will be her strength and her resolve. He is her salvation!
As I write this I am reminded that God is always in control. He knows every detail of every situation and holds us all in the palm of His hand. His love for us is unfailing and undeniable. I need to only "Taste and see that the Lord is Good".
Monday, December 22, 2014
Two years feels like an eternity when you are missing someone you love. Two years is just a mere breath when you get to actually spend eternity with all those you love.
This life has so many ups and downs in it that sometimes we forget that our blessings always and completely outweigh our disappointments. God in His infinite mercy sent His one and only Son as a sacrifice for all of my sin. He loves me unconditionally and forever and nothing I have done or can do will ever even put a small dent in that love. Not my doubt, my lack of faith, my raging disappointment in circumstances, my failures at kindness, my unrelenting complaining, or even my refusal to extend grace to someone who is struggling in their own right can change how much God loves me.
It is most often the clearest to me how much I need His arms to rest in when I struggle with understanding. His plans are always perfect...His Word declares that promise. This season of rejoicing over the birth of our Savior will forever be a time of reflection on the life and walk of a mere 13 year old little girl who gave of herself endlessly and selflessly because she believed in the miracle of rebirth through Jesus Christ and had accepted Him as Her Lord and Savior. The short life she lived impacted so many for the Kingdom in ways we will never even know about until we all see Him face to face in Glory but I do know that she is forever in His loving arms breathing perfect pure air and is perfectly content.
Although it will always be a sad time for my family because we miss her amazing blue eyes and sweet spirit every single day of our lives, we can rest assured that we know she is with the One who loves her far better than we will ever understand.
I love and miss you to the moon and back Lauren Elizabeth Swann. You were a gift from God and we are all changed by your life and death.
This life has so many ups and downs in it that sometimes we forget that our blessings always and completely outweigh our disappointments. God in His infinite mercy sent His one and only Son as a sacrifice for all of my sin. He loves me unconditionally and forever and nothing I have done or can do will ever even put a small dent in that love. Not my doubt, my lack of faith, my raging disappointment in circumstances, my failures at kindness, my unrelenting complaining, or even my refusal to extend grace to someone who is struggling in their own right can change how much God loves me.
It is most often the clearest to me how much I need His arms to rest in when I struggle with understanding. His plans are always perfect...His Word declares that promise. This season of rejoicing over the birth of our Savior will forever be a time of reflection on the life and walk of a mere 13 year old little girl who gave of herself endlessly and selflessly because she believed in the miracle of rebirth through Jesus Christ and had accepted Him as Her Lord and Savior. The short life she lived impacted so many for the Kingdom in ways we will never even know about until we all see Him face to face in Glory but I do know that she is forever in His loving arms breathing perfect pure air and is perfectly content.
Although it will always be a sad time for my family because we miss her amazing blue eyes and sweet spirit every single day of our lives, we can rest assured that we know she is with the One who loves her far better than we will ever understand.
I love and miss you to the moon and back Lauren Elizabeth Swann. You were a gift from God and we are all changed by your life and death.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Some days blessings in our lives are so abundant that we never even stop to acknowledge them. While I am not saying this is where I want to be, I know that I like everyone else am guilty of taking every little thing in my life for granted and not being thankful for every single breath I take. Breath that comes from a living and loving God.
All that said, this past weekend I did stop and take the time to count a particular blessing in my life. Nine and a half years ago I lost a sweet and dear friend to breast cancer. It was a long and hard fought battle that ended in her being called home to be with the Lord. Even in her weakened physical condition, she accepted my promise to make her girls an important part of our family and our lives. I vowed to her and before a Holy God that I would love them and care for them any way I could as if they were my own. Not because I felt like they needed me, but because I needed to be obedient to what was being asked of me by a loving Heavenly Father.
In those 9 1/2 years I have now seen two beautiful brides and the birth of two amazing little boys. God is so good. This past Friday I witnessed the marriage of Sharon's baby girl and her amazing groom. Set on a beautiful beach in Sarasota Florida on a perfect sunny day our family grew with the addition of a wonderful young man we can now call our son-in-law. Even through the loss of my good friend God proves His faithfulness by allowing me to participate in a wedding that was not only honoring to my friend but gave me the freedom to love that stunning bride without feeling like I was trying to take her place.
I almost feel like Paul when he said, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness..." simply because it has been a journey of faith to allow my heart to love these girls like I believe they deserve. It has been a fight against all that is natural and normal to expect them to love me back. But, God in His mercy has made that path straight and given me my heart's desire toward them. I love them both and everyone that comes with them fully.
There is never a day that I don't think about my friend and all that she is missing. I am sad when I realize that I am reaping the benefits of her parenting and loving. Of course I would love for life to be fair and that she would have been here for the weddings and the birth of her grandsons and the future ones to come but God is sovereign and His ways are not my ways. I will continue to love and cherish them with my whole heart and give thanks for the blessings that I have received.
Congratulations Katharine and Joe! Your momma would have been beaming with pride:)
I love you.
All that said, this past weekend I did stop and take the time to count a particular blessing in my life. Nine and a half years ago I lost a sweet and dear friend to breast cancer. It was a long and hard fought battle that ended in her being called home to be with the Lord. Even in her weakened physical condition, she accepted my promise to make her girls an important part of our family and our lives. I vowed to her and before a Holy God that I would love them and care for them any way I could as if they were my own. Not because I felt like they needed me, but because I needed to be obedient to what was being asked of me by a loving Heavenly Father.
In those 9 1/2 years I have now seen two beautiful brides and the birth of two amazing little boys. God is so good. This past Friday I witnessed the marriage of Sharon's baby girl and her amazing groom. Set on a beautiful beach in Sarasota Florida on a perfect sunny day our family grew with the addition of a wonderful young man we can now call our son-in-law. Even through the loss of my good friend God proves His faithfulness by allowing me to participate in a wedding that was not only honoring to my friend but gave me the freedom to love that stunning bride without feeling like I was trying to take her place.
I almost feel like Paul when he said, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness..." simply because it has been a journey of faith to allow my heart to love these girls like I believe they deserve. It has been a fight against all that is natural and normal to expect them to love me back. But, God in His mercy has made that path straight and given me my heart's desire toward them. I love them both and everyone that comes with them fully.
There is never a day that I don't think about my friend and all that she is missing. I am sad when I realize that I am reaping the benefits of her parenting and loving. Of course I would love for life to be fair and that she would have been here for the weddings and the birth of her grandsons and the future ones to come but God is sovereign and His ways are not my ways. I will continue to love and cherish them with my whole heart and give thanks for the blessings that I have received.
Congratulations Katharine and Joe! Your momma would have been beaming with pride:)
I love you.
Monday, January 13, 2014
This year I have decided to take the mission statement from my church and make it my challenge for the New Year. Every year we make resolutions that are all about us. We want to lose weight, get more organized, eat more healthy, exercise daily...and on and on. I want everyone who knows me and pours into my life to know that I have chosen to do none of these. Shock and awe, I know! I really do want "to know Christ and make Him known". I want everyone who already knows who I live for and especially for those who do not to realize what my life is truly about.
I serve a Savior who lived and died for me. He loves me enough to give me the free gift of eternal life through His death and resurrection. All I had to do was accept it and share the good news.
"To know Christ and make Him known". This is my resolution for the New Year!
I serve a Savior who lived and died for me. He loves me enough to give me the free gift of eternal life through His death and resurrection. All I had to do was accept it and share the good news.
"To know Christ and make Him known". This is my resolution for the New Year!
Friday, December 20, 2013
For one year I have cried, been angry, questioned, doubted, believed, been thankful, pretended, challenged, felt empty, sad, peaceful...and the list goes on and on. I still don't understand why God chose to take a beautiful little girl away from a family that loved her so deeply, but I do know that He makes no mistakes. I believe that and I am dwelling there. There are more days now that I spend less time asking God why and more time thanking Him for 13 sweet years watching Lauren grow in His love for others. There will never be a day when I don't think about her amazing blue eyes and how they impacted everyone she met. I am thankful most of all that she shared her faith and her love for her Savior. Many young and old hearts were changed by her death and will hopefully come to know the Lord she loved so much. Some days it seems only yesterday that she went to her heavenly home but a year will have come and gone on the 23rd of December. I hope she knows how much we all loved her but most of all how happy we are that if we had to lose her so early in her sweet life that we know she is safe in the arms of Jesus.
Lauren Elizabeth Swann we miss you always.
Lauren Elizabeth Swann we miss you always.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
I keep waiting to feel different. Not necessarily great but at least less empty. I wonder daily how anyone can deal with something as difficult as the death of someone they love without the Lord to lean on. I know He cares about my sorrow. I know He hears my pleas for strength. I know He feels my pain and binds my wounded heart. I believe that He and He alone can change my path. Still I turn on my computer every day and see a beautiful, smiling 13 year old looking back at me and my heart breaks all over again.
There is no easy fix for loneliness and brokenness except for trusting in the One who knows our needs even before we ask. I fail to ask Him every morning. Some days I forget that He wants to hear my cries for healing. The deepest desire of my heart is for Him to be ever present in my thoughts of Lauren and her journey into His presence. She is with the Lord. I know this to be true because He told me it is. 2 Corinthians 5:8 says "We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord." I believe that Lauren would say those very words to us all if given the chance. She is with her Heavenly Father who loves her more than we could ever imagine. I just miss her smiling face and I know her mom, Nana and Poppy along with the rest of her family miss her most of all:)
The 23rd of May will be 5 months since our sweet and beautiful Lauren went home to be with the Lord. Not a day goes by that we don't wish for one more smile, but we have the assurance that we will see that amazing "brace less" perfect smile again one day very soon.
It all comes down to this....I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand.
I love you sweet girl.
Aunt Gail
There is no easy fix for loneliness and brokenness except for trusting in the One who knows our needs even before we ask. I fail to ask Him every morning. Some days I forget that He wants to hear my cries for healing. The deepest desire of my heart is for Him to be ever present in my thoughts of Lauren and her journey into His presence. She is with the Lord. I know this to be true because He told me it is. 2 Corinthians 5:8 says "We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord." I believe that Lauren would say those very words to us all if given the chance. She is with her Heavenly Father who loves her more than we could ever imagine. I just miss her smiling face and I know her mom, Nana and Poppy along with the rest of her family miss her most of all:)
The 23rd of May will be 5 months since our sweet and beautiful Lauren went home to be with the Lord. Not a day goes by that we don't wish for one more smile, but we have the assurance that we will see that amazing "brace less" perfect smile again one day very soon.
It all comes down to this....I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand.
I love you sweet girl.
Aunt Gail
Monday, February 11, 2013
49 days seems like a short period of time....unless you have lost someone you love. 49 days then becomes somewhat of an eternity and never has an end in sight. I am awestruck by those who have journeyed through such an undertaking. Losing a child, a mom, a dad, a best friend, a sibling..
The real test is not in the moment, but in the many countless moments that follow. Every day of new beginnings that doesn't include that special someone. Each event that comes and goes without seeing joy on that sweet face or hearing it in their voice. Where do we go from here? It has been said that time heals all wounds, but some wounds are deep in our souls and cannot simply be stitched back together by moving on. Moving on just does not seem possible.
Abiding becomes the only option we have. Abiding in the One and Only. Abiding in His Everlasting Arms. Trusting Him to carry us when we cannot move on. Knowing that He will do what He has always said He would do. Resting in His promises. Believing that He loves more than we can ever even understand. Being assured that we will see our loved ones again. That is what faith is. Oh that my faith would be made whole. Oh that I would trust in what I know is the truth.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
I rest in His Word. I trust in His promise. I believe in His truth.
The real test is not in the moment, but in the many countless moments that follow. Every day of new beginnings that doesn't include that special someone. Each event that comes and goes without seeing joy on that sweet face or hearing it in their voice. Where do we go from here? It has been said that time heals all wounds, but some wounds are deep in our souls and cannot simply be stitched back together by moving on. Moving on just does not seem possible.
Abiding becomes the only option we have. Abiding in the One and Only. Abiding in His Everlasting Arms. Trusting Him to carry us when we cannot move on. Knowing that He will do what He has always said He would do. Resting in His promises. Believing that He loves more than we can ever even understand. Being assured that we will see our loved ones again. That is what faith is. Oh that my faith would be made whole. Oh that I would trust in what I know is the truth.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
I rest in His Word. I trust in His promise. I believe in His truth.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
We have all heard the old sayings "out of the mouths of babes" or "kids say the darndest things" or even "we can learn so much from our children". How much do we actually think before we say something?
In June of this past year the pastor of my parent's church died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. It was a real struggle for that small and very close knit community. At the time, Kelly, my niece, explained to her two children how it was okay to be sad. Everyone was sad and everyone questioned why something like that had to happen to such a wonderful and loving man. My great-niece replied simply, "I know it is okay to be a little sad, but after all, isn't heaven our ultimate goal?" Well...yes it is and she realized that goal this past Sunday evening when she went home to be with The Lord and her pastor, Clarence:)
On December 23rd, our sweet Lauren, 13 years young died from apparent complications from asthma. Her amazing blue eyes could literally light up a room, but it was her sweet and giving spirit that stood out most of all. She was the most unselfish little girl that will probably ever cross my path. If she had something that anyone needed or even simply wanted, she would willingly offer it up. In life she touched so many others and even in death she gave a better life to others through organ donation.
As unfair as all of this seems in my head, in my heart I know she is at peace safe in the arms of Jesus right now. Lauren will be missed by all of us and not a day will go by that we won't wish we could see her sweet face, but one day we will. One day we will enjoy that beautiful smile and those eyes that seemingly were the window to her soul. We are thankful for 13 years but saddened that 13 years went by so quickly.
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers this past week. Although we will never get "over" our loss, my family has begun the long journey of healing from this chapter in our lives. I am so thankful that I have such amazing friends to hold me up when I struggle to stand strong.
In June of this past year the pastor of my parent's church died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. It was a real struggle for that small and very close knit community. At the time, Kelly, my niece, explained to her two children how it was okay to be sad. Everyone was sad and everyone questioned why something like that had to happen to such a wonderful and loving man. My great-niece replied simply, "I know it is okay to be a little sad, but after all, isn't heaven our ultimate goal?" Well...yes it is and she realized that goal this past Sunday evening when she went home to be with The Lord and her pastor, Clarence:)
On December 23rd, our sweet Lauren, 13 years young died from apparent complications from asthma. Her amazing blue eyes could literally light up a room, but it was her sweet and giving spirit that stood out most of all. She was the most unselfish little girl that will probably ever cross my path. If she had something that anyone needed or even simply wanted, she would willingly offer it up. In life she touched so many others and even in death she gave a better life to others through organ donation.
As unfair as all of this seems in my head, in my heart I know she is at peace safe in the arms of Jesus right now. Lauren will be missed by all of us and not a day will go by that we won't wish we could see her sweet face, but one day we will. One day we will enjoy that beautiful smile and those eyes that seemingly were the window to her soul. We are thankful for 13 years but saddened that 13 years went by so quickly.
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers this past week. Although we will never get "over" our loss, my family has begun the long journey of healing from this chapter in our lives. I am so thankful that I have such amazing friends to hold me up when I struggle to stand strong.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Cruise 2012
I hope that when I am 80 years old I am half as willing to put myself out there as my mom is. On September the 23rd my three sisters and I took our mom on a 4 day Carnival Cruise to the Bahamas. It was glorious. Sunny, calm and restful. Well...if you don't count the last night at sea when everyone on the ship became terribly dizzy and sea sick. One out of four days isn't too bad though.
We started off in two different cities...me from Dulles, Virginia, and the rest of the travelers flew out of Charleston, WV. Now that sound simple enough. Just fly to Orlando and meet up with our driver and off we go. Not so fast. Their first flight out of Charleston was cancelled. Then they were rerouted through Charlotte, NC. No problem. Then another email came that bumped them back a few hours and put them into Orlando at a ridiculous time and there was no way to make the cruise. They ended up flying down a whole day early just to make the ship. Disaster averted:) I met them on Sunday morning in Orlando and we were off.
Our driver picked me up at the airport sidestepping the 7000 Disney travelers and we drove a few minutes to pick up everyone else. A mere hour later we were boarding the ship in Port Canaveral and ready to begin our adventure.
Now...being the seasoned traveler I am, I suggested that just for safety sake everyone take something for sea sickness. No one listened until it was obvious at dinner the first night that EVERYONE needed it! From then on we were all heavily drugged with dramamine. No more issues (until the last night when we would have to have been knocked out to not suffer).
Our first port of departure was Freeport, Bahamas. Sunny and wonderfully charming. We had a wonderful day of shopping, sight-seeing, and just being together. I have to say that the being together, the 5 of us, was by far the best part of all. If we weren't off the ship then we were in one of our two rooms laughing, talking, or just figuring out what to do or eat next. The only time we were at sea was at night which was helpful for my never ending bout of motion sickness that medication simply dulls but never eliminates.
I have to say that this is the first time all of us have traveled together sans husbands and children. We had so much down time and enjoyed all of our meals leisurely. I don't know why it took us so long to come up with this idea....remember I said earlier that our mom is 80, but we have determined to make it a yearly event (not cruising but going on a trip) as long as it is physically and financially possible.
Next port was Nassau, Bahamas. Another beautiful place with so much to enjoy. We went on a horse and carriage ride through historic Nassau. I was afraid our horses might collapse from exhaustion but they seemed to hold up amazingly well. We shopped for our shirts that mom wanted for our photo and determined that she was still and always will be the boss of us:)
I cannot wait to see where next years adventure will take us but I promise that there will be more fashion friendly attire and many smiles to brighten our days. We are so thankful that God has blessed us with such a wonderful mom to enjoy. She was such a trooper and willing to do anything and everything we suggested. Life is good!
It all comes down to this...I love my mom and my sisters to the moon and back!
We started off in two different cities...me from Dulles, Virginia, and the rest of the travelers flew out of Charleston, WV. Now that sound simple enough. Just fly to Orlando and meet up with our driver and off we go. Not so fast. Their first flight out of Charleston was cancelled. Then they were rerouted through Charlotte, NC. No problem. Then another email came that bumped them back a few hours and put them into Orlando at a ridiculous time and there was no way to make the cruise. They ended up flying down a whole day early just to make the ship. Disaster averted:) I met them on Sunday morning in Orlando and we were off.
Our driver picked me up at the airport sidestepping the 7000 Disney travelers and we drove a few minutes to pick up everyone else. A mere hour later we were boarding the ship in Port Canaveral and ready to begin our adventure.
Now...being the seasoned traveler I am, I suggested that just for safety sake everyone take something for sea sickness. No one listened until it was obvious at dinner the first night that EVERYONE needed it! From then on we were all heavily drugged with dramamine. No more issues (until the last night when we would have to have been knocked out to not suffer).
Our first port of departure was Freeport, Bahamas. Sunny and wonderfully charming. We had a wonderful day of shopping, sight-seeing, and just being together. I have to say that the being together, the 5 of us, was by far the best part of all. If we weren't off the ship then we were in one of our two rooms laughing, talking, or just figuring out what to do or eat next. The only time we were at sea was at night which was helpful for my never ending bout of motion sickness that medication simply dulls but never eliminates.
I have to say that this is the first time all of us have traveled together sans husbands and children. We had so much down time and enjoyed all of our meals leisurely. I don't know why it took us so long to come up with this idea....remember I said earlier that our mom is 80, but we have determined to make it a yearly event (not cruising but going on a trip) as long as it is physically and financially possible.
I cannot wait to see where next years adventure will take us but I promise that there will be more fashion friendly attire and many smiles to brighten our days. We are so thankful that God has blessed us with such a wonderful mom to enjoy. She was such a trooper and willing to do anything and everything we suggested. Life is good!
It all comes down to this...I love my mom and my sisters to the moon and back!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)