This year I have decided to take the mission statement from my church and make it my challenge for the New Year. Every year we make resolutions that are all about us. We want to lose weight, get more organized, eat more healthy, exercise daily...and on and on. I want everyone who knows me and pours into my life to know that I have chosen to do none of these. Shock and awe, I know! I really do want "to know Christ and make Him known". I want everyone who already knows who I live for and especially for those who do not to realize what my life is truly about.
I serve a Savior who lived and died for me. He loves me enough to give me the free gift of eternal life through His death and resurrection. All I had to do was accept it and share the good news.
"To know Christ and make Him known". This is my resolution for the New Year!
Monday, January 13, 2014
Friday, December 20, 2013
For one year I have cried, been angry, questioned, doubted, believed, been thankful, pretended, challenged, felt empty, sad, peaceful...and the list goes on and on. I still don't understand why God chose to take a beautiful little girl away from a family that loved her so deeply, but I do know that He makes no mistakes. I believe that and I am dwelling there. There are more days now that I spend less time asking God why and more time thanking Him for 13 sweet years watching Lauren grow in His love for others. There will never be a day when I don't think about her amazing blue eyes and how they impacted everyone she met. I am thankful most of all that she shared her faith and her love for her Savior. Many young and old hearts were changed by her death and will hopefully come to know the Lord she loved so much. Some days it seems only yesterday that she went to her heavenly home but a year will have come and gone on the 23rd of December. I hope she knows how much we all loved her but most of all how happy we are that if we had to lose her so early in her sweet life that we know she is safe in the arms of Jesus.
Lauren Elizabeth Swann we miss you always.
Lauren Elizabeth Swann we miss you always.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
I keep waiting to feel different. Not necessarily great but at least less empty. I wonder daily how anyone can deal with something as difficult as the death of someone they love without the Lord to lean on. I know He cares about my sorrow. I know He hears my pleas for strength. I know He feels my pain and binds my wounded heart. I believe that He and He alone can change my path. Still I turn on my computer every day and see a beautiful, smiling 13 year old looking back at me and my heart breaks all over again.
There is no easy fix for loneliness and brokenness except for trusting in the One who knows our needs even before we ask. I fail to ask Him every morning. Some days I forget that He wants to hear my cries for healing. The deepest desire of my heart is for Him to be ever present in my thoughts of Lauren and her journey into His presence. She is with the Lord. I know this to be true because He told me it is. 2 Corinthians 5:8 says "We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord." I believe that Lauren would say those very words to us all if given the chance. She is with her Heavenly Father who loves her more than we could ever imagine. I just miss her smiling face and I know her mom, Nana and Poppy along with the rest of her family miss her most of all:)
The 23rd of May will be 5 months since our sweet and beautiful Lauren went home to be with the Lord. Not a day goes by that we don't wish for one more smile, but we have the assurance that we will see that amazing "brace less" perfect smile again one day very soon.
It all comes down to this....I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand.
I love you sweet girl.
Aunt Gail
There is no easy fix for loneliness and brokenness except for trusting in the One who knows our needs even before we ask. I fail to ask Him every morning. Some days I forget that He wants to hear my cries for healing. The deepest desire of my heart is for Him to be ever present in my thoughts of Lauren and her journey into His presence. She is with the Lord. I know this to be true because He told me it is. 2 Corinthians 5:8 says "We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord." I believe that Lauren would say those very words to us all if given the chance. She is with her Heavenly Father who loves her more than we could ever imagine. I just miss her smiling face and I know her mom, Nana and Poppy along with the rest of her family miss her most of all:)
The 23rd of May will be 5 months since our sweet and beautiful Lauren went home to be with the Lord. Not a day goes by that we don't wish for one more smile, but we have the assurance that we will see that amazing "brace less" perfect smile again one day very soon.
It all comes down to this....I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand.
I love you sweet girl.
Aunt Gail
Monday, February 11, 2013
49 days seems like a short period of time....unless you have lost someone you love. 49 days then becomes somewhat of an eternity and never has an end in sight. I am awestruck by those who have journeyed through such an undertaking. Losing a child, a mom, a dad, a best friend, a sibling..
The real test is not in the moment, but in the many countless moments that follow. Every day of new beginnings that doesn't include that special someone. Each event that comes and goes without seeing joy on that sweet face or hearing it in their voice. Where do we go from here? It has been said that time heals all wounds, but some wounds are deep in our souls and cannot simply be stitched back together by moving on. Moving on just does not seem possible.
Abiding becomes the only option we have. Abiding in the One and Only. Abiding in His Everlasting Arms. Trusting Him to carry us when we cannot move on. Knowing that He will do what He has always said He would do. Resting in His promises. Believing that He loves more than we can ever even understand. Being assured that we will see our loved ones again. That is what faith is. Oh that my faith would be made whole. Oh that I would trust in what I know is the truth.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
I rest in His Word. I trust in His promise. I believe in His truth.
The real test is not in the moment, but in the many countless moments that follow. Every day of new beginnings that doesn't include that special someone. Each event that comes and goes without seeing joy on that sweet face or hearing it in their voice. Where do we go from here? It has been said that time heals all wounds, but some wounds are deep in our souls and cannot simply be stitched back together by moving on. Moving on just does not seem possible.
Abiding becomes the only option we have. Abiding in the One and Only. Abiding in His Everlasting Arms. Trusting Him to carry us when we cannot move on. Knowing that He will do what He has always said He would do. Resting in His promises. Believing that He loves more than we can ever even understand. Being assured that we will see our loved ones again. That is what faith is. Oh that my faith would be made whole. Oh that I would trust in what I know is the truth.
Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
I rest in His Word. I trust in His promise. I believe in His truth.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
We have all heard the old sayings "out of the mouths of babes" or "kids say the darndest things" or even "we can learn so much from our children". How much do we actually think before we say something?
In June of this past year the pastor of my parent's church died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. It was a real struggle for that small and very close knit community. At the time, Kelly, my niece, explained to her two children how it was okay to be sad. Everyone was sad and everyone questioned why something like that had to happen to such a wonderful and loving man. My great-niece replied simply, "I know it is okay to be a little sad, but after all, isn't heaven our ultimate goal?" Well...yes it is and she realized that goal this past Sunday evening when she went home to be with The Lord and her pastor, Clarence:)
On December 23rd, our sweet Lauren, 13 years young died from apparent complications from asthma. Her amazing blue eyes could literally light up a room, but it was her sweet and giving spirit that stood out most of all. She was the most unselfish little girl that will probably ever cross my path. If she had something that anyone needed or even simply wanted, she would willingly offer it up. In life she touched so many others and even in death she gave a better life to others through organ donation.
As unfair as all of this seems in my head, in my heart I know she is at peace safe in the arms of Jesus right now. Lauren will be missed by all of us and not a day will go by that we won't wish we could see her sweet face, but one day we will. One day we will enjoy that beautiful smile and those eyes that seemingly were the window to her soul. We are thankful for 13 years but saddened that 13 years went by so quickly.
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers this past week. Although we will never get "over" our loss, my family has begun the long journey of healing from this chapter in our lives. I am so thankful that I have such amazing friends to hold me up when I struggle to stand strong.
In June of this past year the pastor of my parent's church died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. It was a real struggle for that small and very close knit community. At the time, Kelly, my niece, explained to her two children how it was okay to be sad. Everyone was sad and everyone questioned why something like that had to happen to such a wonderful and loving man. My great-niece replied simply, "I know it is okay to be a little sad, but after all, isn't heaven our ultimate goal?" Well...yes it is and she realized that goal this past Sunday evening when she went home to be with The Lord and her pastor, Clarence:)
On December 23rd, our sweet Lauren, 13 years young died from apparent complications from asthma. Her amazing blue eyes could literally light up a room, but it was her sweet and giving spirit that stood out most of all. She was the most unselfish little girl that will probably ever cross my path. If she had something that anyone needed or even simply wanted, she would willingly offer it up. In life she touched so many others and even in death she gave a better life to others through organ donation.
As unfair as all of this seems in my head, in my heart I know she is at peace safe in the arms of Jesus right now. Lauren will be missed by all of us and not a day will go by that we won't wish we could see her sweet face, but one day we will. One day we will enjoy that beautiful smile and those eyes that seemingly were the window to her soul. We are thankful for 13 years but saddened that 13 years went by so quickly.
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers this past week. Although we will never get "over" our loss, my family has begun the long journey of healing from this chapter in our lives. I am so thankful that I have such amazing friends to hold me up when I struggle to stand strong.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Cruise 2012
I hope that when I am 80 years old I am half as willing to put myself out there as my mom is. On September the 23rd my three sisters and I took our mom on a 4 day Carnival Cruise to the Bahamas. It was glorious. Sunny, calm and restful. Well...if you don't count the last night at sea when everyone on the ship became terribly dizzy and sea sick. One out of four days isn't too bad though.
We started off in two different cities...me from Dulles, Virginia, and the rest of the travelers flew out of Charleston, WV. Now that sound simple enough. Just fly to Orlando and meet up with our driver and off we go. Not so fast. Their first flight out of Charleston was cancelled. Then they were rerouted through Charlotte, NC. No problem. Then another email came that bumped them back a few hours and put them into Orlando at a ridiculous time and there was no way to make the cruise. They ended up flying down a whole day early just to make the ship. Disaster averted:) I met them on Sunday morning in Orlando and we were off.
Our driver picked me up at the airport sidestepping the 7000 Disney travelers and we drove a few minutes to pick up everyone else. A mere hour later we were boarding the ship in Port Canaveral and ready to begin our adventure.
Now...being the seasoned traveler I am, I suggested that just for safety sake everyone take something for sea sickness. No one listened until it was obvious at dinner the first night that EVERYONE needed it! From then on we were all heavily drugged with dramamine. No more issues (until the last night when we would have to have been knocked out to not suffer).
Our first port of departure was Freeport, Bahamas. Sunny and wonderfully charming. We had a wonderful day of shopping, sight-seeing, and just being together. I have to say that the being together, the 5 of us, was by far the best part of all. If we weren't off the ship then we were in one of our two rooms laughing, talking, or just figuring out what to do or eat next. The only time we were at sea was at night which was helpful for my never ending bout of motion sickness that medication simply dulls but never eliminates.
I have to say that this is the first time all of us have traveled together sans husbands and children. We had so much down time and enjoyed all of our meals leisurely. I don't know why it took us so long to come up with this idea....remember I said earlier that our mom is 80, but we have determined to make it a yearly event (not cruising but going on a trip) as long as it is physically and financially possible.
Next port was Nassau, Bahamas. Another beautiful place with so much to enjoy. We went on a horse and carriage ride through historic Nassau. I was afraid our horses might collapse from exhaustion but they seemed to hold up amazingly well. We shopped for our shirts that mom wanted for our photo and determined that she was still and always will be the boss of us:)
I cannot wait to see where next years adventure will take us but I promise that there will be more fashion friendly attire and many smiles to brighten our days. We are so thankful that God has blessed us with such a wonderful mom to enjoy. She was such a trooper and willing to do anything and everything we suggested. Life is good!
It all comes down to this...I love my mom and my sisters to the moon and back!
We started off in two different cities...me from Dulles, Virginia, and the rest of the travelers flew out of Charleston, WV. Now that sound simple enough. Just fly to Orlando and meet up with our driver and off we go. Not so fast. Their first flight out of Charleston was cancelled. Then they were rerouted through Charlotte, NC. No problem. Then another email came that bumped them back a few hours and put them into Orlando at a ridiculous time and there was no way to make the cruise. They ended up flying down a whole day early just to make the ship. Disaster averted:) I met them on Sunday morning in Orlando and we were off.
Our driver picked me up at the airport sidestepping the 7000 Disney travelers and we drove a few minutes to pick up everyone else. A mere hour later we were boarding the ship in Port Canaveral and ready to begin our adventure.
Now...being the seasoned traveler I am, I suggested that just for safety sake everyone take something for sea sickness. No one listened until it was obvious at dinner the first night that EVERYONE needed it! From then on we were all heavily drugged with dramamine. No more issues (until the last night when we would have to have been knocked out to not suffer).
Our first port of departure was Freeport, Bahamas. Sunny and wonderfully charming. We had a wonderful day of shopping, sight-seeing, and just being together. I have to say that the being together, the 5 of us, was by far the best part of all. If we weren't off the ship then we were in one of our two rooms laughing, talking, or just figuring out what to do or eat next. The only time we were at sea was at night which was helpful for my never ending bout of motion sickness that medication simply dulls but never eliminates.
I have to say that this is the first time all of us have traveled together sans husbands and children. We had so much down time and enjoyed all of our meals leisurely. I don't know why it took us so long to come up with this idea....remember I said earlier that our mom is 80, but we have determined to make it a yearly event (not cruising but going on a trip) as long as it is physically and financially possible.
I cannot wait to see where next years adventure will take us but I promise that there will be more fashion friendly attire and many smiles to brighten our days. We are so thankful that God has blessed us with such a wonderful mom to enjoy. She was such a trooper and willing to do anything and everything we suggested. Life is good!
It all comes down to this...I love my mom and my sisters to the moon and back!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Vacation plus one
Two weeks on the beach. Who could ask for more, right? I really had a relaxing time on my vacation this year thanks to my generous and thoughtful husband. He suggested that I take a week before the rest of our crew came down to Myrtle Beach and our rented beachfront house and just get a small condo to enjoy some extra time away. Of course, I jumped on that.
On Monday the 20th of August, Emily, Asher, Lucy and I decided to make our way south. (we chose not to fight the weekend traffic) Before we even got on 95, Lucy had already had a bout of carsickness because we had failed to eat or drink anything by 7:30 a.m. After stopping, cleaning her up, redressing her, feeding her some ritz (circle) crackers and promising Chick Fil-a soon, we were truly on our way. (thankfully, Emily was driving since it is usually my car that one of the grandchildren decides to douse with some bodily fluid on every trip)
Our first week was complete with rain, rain and a little more rain. The kids never complained. We took them on the first rain filled day to the Ripley's Aquarium only to find that the entire vacationing population had chosen the same place to spend the day. After standing in line for about 30 minutes and purchasing our tickets.....the sun proceeded to come out and shine like it had to. Even that wasn't going to dampen our spirits. We went in...saw the sharks, soft shell crabs, some saw fish (no idea what it was called) cut in half and devour another fish in the tank, and then spend too much money in the gift shop before we headed back to the condo. That day was probable the only real sun we saw for the first week. Every day was either completely overcast or rainy. Still Asher and Lucy ran in the water and played in the sand every single day for hours. It really was a relaxing week.
On Saturday morning we checked out of the condo and headed a little further north to our rented beach house. Since we couldn't check in until 3:00, we decided to just park at the public access and spend the day at the beach waiting for everyone else to arrive. Now is probably a good time to let you know that the temperature at the time we loaded the car...67 degrees. Not really beach weather. Cloudy and overcast despite the weather man assuring us that it was going to be a wonderfully warm and sunny day. Finally about noon things started looking up and we had a glorious day at the beach. However, remember that check in time? Well that simply did not happen. Everyone arrived by 5:30 and we still had no access to the house. We were sitting on the porch with all of the mosquitoes waiting for the cleaning crew to finish and give us the go ahead to begin our vacation. (that coincidentally happened at around 6:15)
Sunday and Monday brought more cloudy days with peaks of sunshine but the children were completely content digging and running on the beach in and out of the waves. It was so nice to be there all together and have the kids all love the water and the sand. Trust me, it hasn't always been that way. Lucy was probably the one who seemed to be the most fearless in the waves. She would get rolled 2 or 3 times before Emily and I could reach her even though one of us was standing right there. Every single time she would pop up and be giggling and rushing right back in. We had so much fun watching all of them enjoy the beach each in their own way and together.
By Tuesday, the rain came back in full force just in time for the guys to head out for a round of golf. Boo to that! We just let the kids play indoors and finally around noon or so it cleared enough to go out to the beach for a while. The rest of the week was warm and overcast with peaks of sun. We didn't even care. The humidity was low, there was a breeze, we were all on the beach together, no one was crying because they were too hot. GLORIOUS! On Friday, our last day, the sun came out and gave us the best day of the two weeks. All day long we enjoyed time on the beach. No one even wanted to come in. It was simply perfect!
One week is not long enough. Two weeks might be close. But I am thinking that next year I 'll just spend a month at the beach and get my fill.
It all comes down to this...spending time with family is something that can never be overdone:)
On Monday the 20th of August, Emily, Asher, Lucy and I decided to make our way south. (we chose not to fight the weekend traffic) Before we even got on 95, Lucy had already had a bout of carsickness because we had failed to eat or drink anything by 7:30 a.m. After stopping, cleaning her up, redressing her, feeding her some ritz (circle) crackers and promising Chick Fil-a soon, we were truly on our way. (thankfully, Emily was driving since it is usually my car that one of the grandchildren decides to douse with some bodily fluid on every trip)
Our first week was complete with rain, rain and a little more rain. The kids never complained. We took them on the first rain filled day to the Ripley's Aquarium only to find that the entire vacationing population had chosen the same place to spend the day. After standing in line for about 30 minutes and purchasing our tickets.....the sun proceeded to come out and shine like it had to. Even that wasn't going to dampen our spirits. We went in...saw the sharks, soft shell crabs, some saw fish (no idea what it was called) cut in half and devour another fish in the tank, and then spend too much money in the gift shop before we headed back to the condo. That day was probable the only real sun we saw for the first week. Every day was either completely overcast or rainy. Still Asher and Lucy ran in the water and played in the sand every single day for hours. It really was a relaxing week.
On Saturday morning we checked out of the condo and headed a little further north to our rented beach house. Since we couldn't check in until 3:00, we decided to just park at the public access and spend the day at the beach waiting for everyone else to arrive. Now is probably a good time to let you know that the temperature at the time we loaded the car...67 degrees. Not really beach weather. Cloudy and overcast despite the weather man assuring us that it was going to be a wonderfully warm and sunny day. Finally about noon things started looking up and we had a glorious day at the beach. However, remember that check in time? Well that simply did not happen. Everyone arrived by 5:30 and we still had no access to the house. We were sitting on the porch with all of the mosquitoes waiting for the cleaning crew to finish and give us the go ahead to begin our vacation. (that coincidentally happened at around 6:15)
Sunday and Monday brought more cloudy days with peaks of sunshine but the children were completely content digging and running on the beach in and out of the waves. It was so nice to be there all together and have the kids all love the water and the sand. Trust me, it hasn't always been that way. Lucy was probably the one who seemed to be the most fearless in the waves. She would get rolled 2 or 3 times before Emily and I could reach her even though one of us was standing right there. Every single time she would pop up and be giggling and rushing right back in. We had so much fun watching all of them enjoy the beach each in their own way and together.
By Tuesday, the rain came back in full force just in time for the guys to head out for a round of golf. Boo to that! We just let the kids play indoors and finally around noon or so it cleared enough to go out to the beach for a while. The rest of the week was warm and overcast with peaks of sun. We didn't even care. The humidity was low, there was a breeze, we were all on the beach together, no one was crying because they were too hot. GLORIOUS! On Friday, our last day, the sun came out and gave us the best day of the two weeks. All day long we enjoyed time on the beach. No one even wanted to come in. It was simply perfect!
One week is not long enough. Two weeks might be close. But I am thinking that next year I 'll just spend a month at the beach and get my fill.
It all comes down to this...spending time with family is something that can never be overdone:)
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