I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all of his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

TASTE AND SEE THAT THE LORD IS GOOD;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

THE RIGHTEOUS CRY OUT, AND THE LORD HEARS THEM;
HE DELIVERS THEM FROM ALL THEIR TROUBLES.
THE LORD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED
AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.

A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD DELIVERS THEM FROM THEM ALL;
he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 34

I have read and reread this passage and must trust and believe every single word of it even in the midst of such a difficult time for my dear friend.  There are no words to describe the grief that is pulsing through her and her family right now but I do know that at the center of their lives is Almighty God who will not waiver in His love for them.

There seem to be no reasons for the struggles from our perspective and no end to the suffering that they are enduring until and unless her husband returns to them unscathed and whole.  In all that surrounds us while we surround them and lift them up in prayer we find that faith is all we have.  It is our only hope.  He is our only hope.  God alone can bring hope into a hopeless situation.  He is our salvation in times of fear and despair.  I choose to camp in His presence and believe in His truth from Romans 8:28 "We know all that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.."

I cannot see any good in my friend's anguish.  Nothing in this situation can be construed as good.  There is unending suffering that causes my heart to break for them.  In 2 Corinthians 1:5 we read "For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."  I am a part of the body of Christ because He is absolutely my Lord and Savior.  In that context I am to join those who are also in the body of Christ in their sufferings just as Jesus suffered for me and let the love of Jesus flow through me to my sweet friend.  Sounds so simple. 

All that is in me screams frustration, fear, doubt, disgust, anguish, loss, sadness, anger, pain, resentment, confusion, panic, anxiety....and I could literally go on and on.  However, Psalm 34 tells me that "He delivers them from them all".  "He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit".  I have to rest there and know that my God knows my friend's needs and will lift her up in her times of despair.  He will be her strength and her resolve.  He is her salvation!

As I write this I am reminded that God is always in control.  He knows every detail of every situation and holds us all in the palm of His hand.  His love for us is unfailing and undeniable.  I need to only "Taste and see that the Lord is Good".

Two years feels like an eternity when you are missing someone you love.  Two years is just a mere breath when you get to actually spend eternity with all those you love.

This life has so many ups and downs in it that sometimes we forget that our blessings always and completely outweigh our disappointments.  God in His infinite mercy sent His one and only Son as a sacrifice for all of my sin.  He loves me unconditionally and forever and nothing I have done or can do will ever even put a small dent in that love.  Not my doubt, my lack of faith, my raging disappointment in circumstances, my failures at kindness, my unrelenting complaining, or even my refusal to extend grace to someone who is struggling in their own right can change how much God loves me.

It is most often the clearest to me how much I need His arms to rest in when I struggle with understanding.  His plans are always perfect...His Word declares that promise.   This season of rejoicing over the birth of our Savior will forever be a time of reflection on the life and walk of a mere 13 year old little girl who gave of herself endlessly and selflessly because she believed in the miracle of rebirth through Jesus Christ and had accepted Him as Her Lord and Savior.  The short life she lived impacted so many for the Kingdom in ways we will never even know about until we all see Him face to face in Glory but I do know that she is forever in His loving arms breathing perfect pure air and is perfectly content.

Although it will always be a sad time for my family because we miss her amazing blue eyes and sweet spirit every single day of our lives, we can rest assured that we know she is with the One who loves her far better than we will ever understand.

I love and miss you to the moon and back Lauren Elizabeth Swann.  You were a gift from God and we are all changed by your life and death.

Some days blessings in our lives are so abundant that we never even stop to acknowledge them.  While I am not saying this is where I want to be, I know that I like everyone else am guilty of taking every little thing in my life for granted and not being thankful for every single breath I take.  Breath that comes from a living and loving God.

All that said, this past weekend I did stop and take the time to count a particular blessing in my life.  Nine and a half years ago I lost a sweet and dear friend to breast cancer.  It was a long and hard fought battle that ended in her being called home to be with the Lord.  Even in her weakened physical condition, she accepted my promise to make her girls an important part of our family and our lives.  I vowed to her and before a Holy God that I would love them and care for them any way I could as if they were my own.  Not because I felt like they needed me, but because I needed to be obedient to what was being asked of me by a loving Heavenly Father.

In those 9 1/2 years I have now seen two beautiful brides and the birth of two amazing little boys.  God is so good.  This past Friday I witnessed the marriage of Sharon's baby girl and her amazing groom.  Set on a beautiful beach in Sarasota Florida on a perfect sunny day our family grew with the addition of a wonderful young man we can now call our son-in-law.  Even through the loss of my good friend God proves His faithfulness by allowing me to participate in a wedding that was not only honoring to my friend but gave me the freedom to love that stunning bride without feeling like I was trying to take her place.

I almost feel like Paul when he said, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.  Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness..." simply because it has been a journey of faith to allow my heart to love these girls like I believe they deserve.  It has been a fight against all that is natural and normal to expect them to love me back.  But, God in His mercy has  made that path straight and given me my heart's desire toward them.  I love them both and everyone that comes with them fully.

There is never a day that I don't think about my friend and all that she is missing.  I am sad when I realize that I am reaping the benefits of her parenting and loving.  Of course I would love for life to be fair and that she would have been here for the weddings and the birth of her grandsons and the future ones to come but God is sovereign and His ways are not my ways.  I will continue to love and cherish them with my whole heart and give thanks for the blessings that I have received.

Congratulations Katharine and Joe!  Your momma would have been beaming with pride:)

I love you.

This year I have decided to take the mission statement from my church and make it my challenge for the New Year.  Every year we make resolutions that are all about us.  We want to lose weight, get more organized, eat more healthy, exercise daily...and on and on.  I want everyone who knows me and pours into my life to know that I have chosen to do none of these.  Shock and awe, I know!  I really do want "to know Christ and make Him known".  I want everyone who already knows who I live for and especially for those who do not to realize what my life is truly about.

I serve a Savior who lived and died for me.  He loves me enough to give me the free gift of eternal life through His death and resurrection.  All I had to do was accept it and share the good news.

"To know Christ and make Him known".  This is my resolution for the New Year!

For one year I have cried, been angry, questioned, doubted, believed, been thankful, pretended, challenged, felt empty, sad, peaceful...and the list goes on and on.  I still don't understand why God chose to take a beautiful little girl away from a family that loved her so deeply, but I do know that He makes no mistakes.  I believe that and I am dwelling there.  There are more days now that I spend less time asking God why and more time thanking Him for 13 sweet years watching Lauren grow in His love for others.  There will never be a day when I don't think about her amazing blue eyes and how they impacted everyone she met.  I am thankful most of all that she shared her faith and her love for her Savior.  Many young and old hearts were changed by her death and will hopefully come to know the Lord she loved so much.  Some days it seems only yesterday that she went to her heavenly home but a year will have come and gone on the 23rd of December.  I hope she knows how much we all loved her but most of all how happy we are that if we had to lose her so early in her sweet life that we know she is safe in the arms of Jesus.

Lauren Elizabeth Swann we miss you always.

I keep waiting to feel different.  Not necessarily great but at least less empty.  I wonder daily how anyone can deal with something as difficult as the death of someone they love without the Lord to lean on.  I know He cares about my sorrow.  I know He hears my pleas for strength.  I know He feels my pain and binds my wounded heart.  I believe that He and He alone can change my path.  Still I turn on my computer every day and see a beautiful, smiling 13 year old looking back at me and my heart breaks all over again.

There is no easy fix for loneliness and brokenness except for trusting in the One who knows our needs even before we ask.  I fail to ask Him every morning.  Some days I forget that He wants to hear my cries for healing.  The deepest desire of my heart is for Him to be ever present in my thoughts of Lauren and her journey into His presence.  She is with the Lord.  I know this to be true because He told me it is.  2 Corinthians 5:8 says "We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord."  I believe that Lauren would say those very words to us all if given the chance.  She is with her Heavenly Father who loves her more than we could ever imagine.  I just miss her smiling face and I know her mom, Nana and Poppy along with the rest of her family miss her most of all:)

The 23rd of May will be 5 months since our sweet and beautiful Lauren went home to be with the Lord.  Not a day goes by that we don't wish for one more smile,  but we have the assurance that we will see that amazing "brace less" perfect smile again one day very soon.

It all comes down to this....I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand.

I love you sweet girl.

Aunt Gail

49 days seems like a short period of time....unless you have lost someone you love.  49 days then becomes somewhat of an eternity and never has an end in sight.  I am awestruck by those who have journeyed through such an undertaking.  Losing a child, a mom, a dad, a best friend, a sibling..

The real test is not in the moment, but in the many countless moments that follow.  Every day of new beginnings that doesn't include that special someone.  Each event that comes and goes without seeing joy on that sweet face or hearing it in their voice.  Where do we go from here?  It has been said that time heals all wounds, but some wounds are deep in our souls and cannot simply be stitched back together by moving on.  Moving on just does not seem possible.

Abiding becomes the only option we have.  Abiding in the One and Only.  Abiding in His Everlasting Arms.  Trusting Him to carry us when we cannot move on.  Knowing that He will do what He has always said He would do.  Resting in His promises.  Believing that He loves more than we can ever even understand.  Being assured that we will see our loved ones again.  That is what faith is.  Oh that my faith would be made whole.  Oh that I would trust in what I know is the truth.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

I rest in His Word.  I trust in His promise.  I believe in His truth.