Well...He answered my prayer.  Just not as I would have imagined or liked.  There is definitely an end to not knowing but the end is not what I thought was even possible.   My faith is shaken, my resolve wobbly but my stand is in Him.  He is my Rock, my Fortress, the Everlasting God.  However, I do struggle with the why.  I don't think I would be human if I didn't.  Answers are not necessary but certainly might add a bit of peace to the situation.  They are slow to come or will never come at all and I have to just accept that and trust that He has this one and did all along.

My friend is suffering.  She is downcast, angry, sad, exhausted, but most of all broken.  Broken in a broken world.  Her only peace comes from the One who can give us perfect peace.  The hard part is that she is not ready to accept that peace because her faith also is shaken.  Shaken to the core.  She believes in Almighty God.  She trusts Him to be faithful.  She knows He is truth.  But...where was He in the midst of the battle?  

A long and hard fought battle that her husband lost to an angry world.  He did not lose the war!  He is safe in the place we all long to be.  But he is not with his family.  He is not with his church.  He is not with those who love him.  No, he is with the One who loves him unconditionally.  Hard to wrap my mind around.  He seemed fine here with us.  There seemed to be nothing too great that he couldn't take first to His Lord and then to so many others who loved him and knew him well.  Only God knows what the mind can do to our thoughts.  Only God can heal that.  He has healed my dear friends husband once and for all.  

He is whole and no longer suffering with whatever controlled his mind on that fateful day.  It is all just the past.  Where it belongs!  But how do we move on through this travesty?  The only thing we all have is faith.  Faith in the One True God who can heal the brokenhearted and give us peace once again.  Not worldly peace.  But the peace that comes from knowing His grace is sufficient.  

Death is an ugly part of life.  It is final to some.  But not to Bill Hurley.  He has safely arrived at his final destination.  Glory!  Do I understand it? No!  Do I choose to believe it?  Absolutely!  As much as he is and will be missed during our remaining time on this earth...he is loved two fold in a place of pure joy.  Therefore, I will choose to rejoice in the midst of all of the suffering in the chaos that is our world.  Rejoice in the truth that Jesus Christ is Lord!  Rejoice in the belief that we shall see Jesus just as He is!  

Until we meet again, Bill.  

In Him Always.

I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all of his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.

TASTE AND SEE THAT THE LORD IS GOOD;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.

Come, my children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life
and desires to see many good days,
keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their cry;
the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.

THE RIGHTEOUS CRY OUT, AND THE LORD HEARS THEM;
HE DELIVERS THEM FROM ALL THEIR TROUBLES.
THE LORD IS CLOSE TO THE BROKENHEARTED
AND SAVES THOSE WHO ARE CRUSHED IN SPIRIT.

A righteous man may have many troubles,
but the LORD DELIVERS THEM FROM THEM ALL;
he protects all his bones,
not one of them will be broken.

Evil will slay the wicked;
the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
The Lord redeems his servants;
no one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 34

I have read and reread this passage and must trust and believe every single word of it even in the midst of such a difficult time for my dear friend.  There are no words to describe the grief that is pulsing through her and her family right now but I do know that at the center of their lives is Almighty God who will not waiver in His love for them.

There seem to be no reasons for the struggles from our perspective and no end to the suffering that they are enduring until and unless her husband returns to them unscathed and whole.  In all that surrounds us while we surround them and lift them up in prayer we find that faith is all we have.  It is our only hope.  He is our only hope.  God alone can bring hope into a hopeless situation.  He is our salvation in times of fear and despair.  I choose to camp in His presence and believe in His truth from Romans 8:28 "We know all that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.."

I cannot see any good in my friend's anguish.  Nothing in this situation can be construed as good.  There is unending suffering that causes my heart to break for them.  In 2 Corinthians 1:5 we read "For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."  I am a part of the body of Christ because He is absolutely my Lord and Savior.  In that context I am to join those who are also in the body of Christ in their sufferings just as Jesus suffered for me and let the love of Jesus flow through me to my sweet friend.  Sounds so simple. 

All that is in me screams frustration, fear, doubt, disgust, anguish, loss, sadness, anger, pain, resentment, confusion, panic, anxiety....and I could literally go on and on.  However, Psalm 34 tells me that "He delivers them from them all".  "He is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit".  I have to rest there and know that my God knows my friend's needs and will lift her up in her times of despair.  He will be her strength and her resolve.  He is her salvation!

As I write this I am reminded that God is always in control.  He knows every detail of every situation and holds us all in the palm of His hand.  His love for us is unfailing and undeniable.  I need to only "Taste and see that the Lord is Good".