Abiding is a hard place to dwell.  It is a perfect place of rest and comfort but almost impossible to sustain.  There are many times when I choose to wander away and then there are challenges that cause me to lose my footing and tumble down a well warn path of suffering that I continue to say I loathe but find myself wallowing in nevertheless.  What am I searching for in the darkness?  Knowing full well that only pain comes from disobedience and folly,  I embrace the dim light of the world and trust in it's healing of my wounds over and over again.  What exactly does pride have as a hold over me to reel me into the sufferings I thought I had long ago overcome?  I am my own worst enemy when it comes to doubt and struggle.  No one else has control over my thoughts unless I relinquish them.  Jesus promises that He will never leave or forsake me.  Therefore, I must be the one who moves.

Psalm 139: 1-12 says:
Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and hen I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely.
You hem me in - behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settles on the far side of the sea
even there your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Truth that there is no darkness too heavy for the hand of a loving Savior to snatch me out of.  His constant tenderness is far greater than anything this world can toss into my path.  He is my light and my salvation.  Only relying on His strength to carry me in my weakest times will suffice.  When I just sit with His Word and choose to dwell there...I find solace and complete rest.  Rest for a weary mind and soul.  He is rest.  He is light.  He alone is truth.  I will trust in that light and allow Him to guide my paths and make them straight.

It all comes down to this.....My hope is in Christ alone.

HE was there all along....

New Year...New Beginning...Same old stuff.  Does not have to be that way.  We have an out.  Good News!  There is a healer.  His name is Jesus.  He is always willing and waiting just for the opportunity to change our lives.  We need only to ask.

2016 was a year of confusion, concern, disappointment, challenge, more disappointment, suffering, doubt, and a sincere lack of faith for me.  This is not to say in any way that God was not with me.  He was there all along.  I stepped away.  Not from my belief in Him but certainly in my dependence on Him.  I was weak and down hearted.  I was struggling just to see Him in every day life and activities. Not because He wasn't visible or present.  But rather...because I took my eyes off of Him.  I internalized all that was going on around me and sealed it away in a neat little dark place.  I chose to work through things in my own timing and in my own arrogance instead of believing that I could leave all of my pain with Him at the cross and let Him walk with me through the darkness.

This from someone who has known Jesus as Savior since I was a mere 7 years old.  I know truth.  I believe it.  I just didn't apply it.  I chose instead to wallow in my own self pity and expect things to change.  Change is work.  We all have to engage in our personal relationship with God.  It is never a one way street.  I forgot to relinquish my ways to adopt His ways.  They are always perfect.  Mine are flawed.

The absolute truth that I so earnestly want to cling to is that He is able.  He is willing.  He is my strength in times of weakness.  He is literally my rock in sinking sand.  I want to live there.  I want to build my house on that solid rock and be secure in His presence.

2017 will not be worry free, trouble free, free from suffering, or even void of challenge.  However, I am in a place of rest in Him.  He is my foundation and I will remain in Him and He in me.  God is good always.....even when we are blinded to His grace by our own ignorance.

It all comes down to this...."God opposed the proud, but gives grace to the humble."  James 3:6b.  I want to be humble in His eyes.