Two years seems like a long time to feel detached and constantly alone with my thoughts. Some days have been joyful despite circumstances and yet others exhaustingly empty and void of much feeling at all. There is nothing or no one to "blame" my downcast existence on but simply a lack of faith in the only One who can heal my brokenness and suffering and restore my joy in Him. I have always known where to turn for strength in times pf despair. The stumbling block in this entire scenario then becomes the knowledge and acknowledgement of my own pride and failure to examine my heart for unforgiveness and sin. Even on the darkest days when I believed the loneliness was truly at it's peak, if only I had called on Him for the guidance I needed to find peace. And not just called on Him but trusted His way to be The Way to healing. Why did it seem so much easier to be stagnant in my struggle?
Psalm 42:5, 42:11 and 43:5 all say "Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."
Even in my hardest times of doubt and longing, God never left me. I stepped away from His truth and rested solely on the world's antidotes for my emptiness. The Psalmist addressed it well. No matter what I am walking through, struggling with, or challenged by, I should always remember just what He brought me through and saved me from. Eternity without Him.
I Peter 2:9 reminds me, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you our of darkness into His wonderful light."
The perfect light of a Glorious loving and forgiving Savior. I can no longer claim darkness as my dwelling place according to Scripture. I have been there visiting for far too long. The light of His glory has penetrated my path and is daily showing me the journey He has for my future.
It all comes down to this....Proverbs 3:5-6 ... "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight".
